To the Guy who Left Without a Goodbye

 

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I just want to start off  by saying you missed the best part. You missed what I turned into and what I am becoming. To this day I still don’t know why you left but the fact that I am blocked on all forms of social media lets me know that this must have meant something to you too. We were already amazing and I’m pretty sure I was in love and so were you.

It has taken me years to heal that wound and to this day it’s just a scab instead of the faded scar it should be. That’s because it’s constantly reopened every time I get close to someone else, maybe because I’m using what we had as a gauge for potential. Is this conversation easy? Does he feel  like home like you did? But I have to remember that you didn’t stick around so maybe what we had isn’t the best example for comparison.

I’ll never forget the conversation we had in your dorm room where we always hung out 24/7 when we both found out we both knew our best friends since the very first day of kindergarten. I remember you saying that if we knew each other then there would be any one else. You named old lovers and ex-girlfriends that in this alternate universe were just girls from school and that I would be your one and only and you mine. I replied by saying I agreed but you met me at a really weird place in my life was the truth. I had just ended a relationship with a man I thought I would marry and was wasting my time with another.

Even though you were doing the exact same, I saw your eyes change, the devastation had sunk in and I believe that was perhaps the moment you retreated. From that day forward, you were never the same and I watched as months went by and you treated me like a stranger. I wrote notes like a lovelorn teenager begging for an answer and I never did. After 6 years, I can say with certainty I never will so this is my farewell to you. I’m going to say goodbye; something you never did but I know you’ll never see this so in some way that makes us even.

So to the guy who left without saying goodbye. You have ruined everything from the Bronx Tale to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros for me but not any longer. I am sharing this unrequited love story for some other girl who was hurt by some other you. I am finally getting it out and letting what could have been go because if you really wanted me or what we were building, you would have stayed. Instead, you are with her (I’m assuming since I’m blocked) and I hope you’re happy because I am.

Everyday since then has been happier since the day before. When I do reminisce these days, I see not only the good memories but the way you isolated me and made me invisible. That is when I am reminded I am worthy of someone who thinks I am enough and was well worth the wait. I know that you couldn’t have been the one because my great love can’t be some boy who took a masterclass in the silent treatment.

Date Yourself: A Single Girl’s Revelation

 

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I can say with complete confidence that I am perpetually single. I haven’t had a serious prospect in over 5 years and that’s okay. But what do you do when you’re tired of hoping for a spark between that Tinder match or one of your friends to hit you up to hang out over the weekend? You take your own self out! If there’s one person that you’re going to have to get to know and like whether you like it or not it’s yourself.

Imagine there’s a new restaurant that just opened and you want to go with your friends but they’ve all decided to magically go silent on the group chat, what are you going to do? You may say lie in bed and watch Netflix passive aggressively waiting for a reply but I’m going to pretend you didn’t. I’m going to also pretend you said take yourself out and I’m going to say, “that’s right people go by yourself! What’s stopping you? The fear of you thinking people are judging you? The fear of social anxiety? The fear of looking like a loser?”

Those are all fair fears to have but let me debunk them for you:

  • I’m by myself therefore others are going to judge me
    • I’ve got bad news and good news for you. It is none of your business what anyone thinks about you. So if someone wants to judge you for getting in some quality time with your favorite person, yourself then they are someone who’s opinion shouldn’t matter.
  • Social Anxiety creeping it’s ugly head?
    • Anxiety is just your mind being a bully.  Anxiety has a habit of making things a MUCH bigger deal than they actually are. Trust me I know. So if someone looks over at you as you sit alone waiting for you amazing meal or whatever you plan to do; they could be judging you but I always like to think they secretly like my outfit or my hairstyle and are mentally complimenting me. It helps calm my nerves to think maybe they are just looking and not judging.
  • I don’t want to feel like a loser
    • First of all, you’re not a loser and I want you to stop thinking like that. You’re an amazing person and you bless people with your presence which is all the more reason to LEAVE THE HOUSE! Bless this world with your own unique beauty!

 

Imagine all the fun things you can do by yourself! If you need some help here’s a list:

  • Go to a museum Most have days of the week where admission is free. Ain’t no shame in being budget friendly
  • Go be in nature Take a walk in the park, sit by the ocean, etc etc
  • Go to the cafe and buy your favorite drink and just people watch
  • Take an interesting class It’s also a great way to meet new people and maybe new love interests. Check out Meetup or CourseHorse for classes and groups in your area
  • Movies A classic and it’s very laid back and easy for anyone who has some anxiety about going out alone. All you have to do is pick a movie and stick down and relax.
  • Detour while on an errands run Do a mini splurge before or after you run errands. Get your groceries and that new shirt you’ve been eyeing. Treat yourself!
  • Netflix and Chill Yourself Sometimes you’ve just got to veg out and put on the pjs and relax.

The more you get out into the world and learn about yourself and what makes you happy and gives you passion, the more likely you’ll end up connecting with amazing people and maybe even your next love but most importantly get to know yourself and let the rest just come naturally into your life.

Forever Single? : What this Jan Brady learned from her Marcia Brady friends

Topic gif: MeTV

Has this situation ever happened to you? You and all your girlfriends go out for a night on the town. You’re dressed in your best whatever that may be and so are all your girls. After a fun pregame you call the Uber and head out. You get to the bar and see the BEAUTIFUL guy or girl (whoever you fancy) and they look over and you’re thinking to yourself, “Yes omigod omigod omigod be cool be cool”. They come over and just like something out of a 90’s teenage romantic comedy, they go over to your friend.

I guess everyone can relate to this situation but what happens when it keeps on happening and you’re starting to think you’re the invisible person? I started to call it being the Jan Brady of my friend group. If you haven’t seen the Brady Bunch (either the show or the movie), Jan is the middle sister and she’s a bit more of the quiet, shy, awkward side. Especially compared to her stunning and popular older sister Marcia. Marcia just seems to naturally draw people into her like a flame to a moth. My friends are the same way and I just can’t seem to figure out what the secret is? So instead of asking them, I just observed and here’s what I’ve noticed:

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Confidence is Key! (Obviously)

My Marcia Brady friends are almost always oozing this aura of confidence. They’re comfortable in their skin. They know what works for their body and what makes them feel like their best selves. I’ve taken a cue from them and stopped wearing what I think I was allowed to wear and what I wanted to wear. If I want to feel sexy, I’ll put on my thigh high boots and skinny jeans. If I want to be left alone, I will put on my combat boots and dark Lorde-esque lipstick. All that matters is that I feel like a badass.

They’re skilled in keeping a conversation.

The Marcias in my life know how to play the game. They can hold a great conversation. They know how to playfully touch a person where it’s not too aggressive or too friendly. They balance the line between sexpot and dead fish which is admirable. They know when to leave and leave the person wanting more. It’s fascinating to watch really. I’m still perfecting this but reminding yourself that you’re amazing and anyone would be honored to be in your presence truly helps my confidence when talking to attractive people.

They have no problem telling someone to back off!

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Thankfully, all of my friends have this trait. If a person any of us is not interested in comes up to us, we will politely dismiss them. Whether that be with standoffish body language or even a no thanks when asked to dance. If the person doesn’t get the hint, we will make it very clear and let them know to go take a hike. Not every person that walks into your life or wants your attention deserves it. Remember that and you’ll be saving yourself a lot of energy.

They never sweat it.

I personally used to do the exact opposite….okay sometimes I still do. When I get a number from someone I REALLY like I am over the moon. Then what follows right after is social anxiety about the rules of texting and calling. I’ve learned from my Marcias that it’s never that deep. If a person texts you then great and reply as soon as you want. If they don’t text back that’s their loss. Also it’s okay to double text but never do a triple. Also, if that person texts or calls back after weeks or months of radio silence, it’s probably because whoever they ignored you for has finally ignored them. So use that information as you will.

So this is what I’ve learned from my Marcias and I’m slowly learning to implement these skills into my own romantic conquests….when I have them. Hopefully, these will be helpful and empowering for you as well. We don’t have to be the Jans in the group. Every one of use deserves to be a Marcia dammit!

 

Please note: I do not own any of the Gifs/Photos used. I’m still learning how to add credits. If they are yours and you would want them remove or credited please contact me.