To the Guy who Left Without a Goodbye

 

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I just want to start off  by saying you missed the best part. You missed what I turned into and what I am becoming. To this day I still don’t know why you left but the fact that I am blocked on all forms of social media lets me know that this must have meant something to you too. We were already amazing and I’m pretty sure I was in love and so were you.

It has taken me years to heal that wound and to this day it’s just a scab instead of the faded scar it should be. That’s because it’s constantly reopened every time I get close to someone else, maybe because I’m using what we had as a gauge for potential. Is this conversation easy? Does he feel  like home like you did? But I have to remember that you didn’t stick around so maybe what we had isn’t the best example for comparison.

I’ll never forget the conversation we had in your dorm room where we always hung out 24/7 when we both found out we both knew our best friends since the very first day of kindergarten. I remember you saying that if we knew each other then there would be any one else. You named old lovers and ex-girlfriends that in this alternate universe were just girls from school and that I would be your one and only and you mine. I replied by saying I agreed but you met me at a really weird place in my life was the truth. I had just ended a relationship with a man I thought I would marry and was wasting my time with another.

Even though you were doing the exact same, I saw your eyes change, the devastation had sunk in and I believe that was perhaps the moment you retreated. From that day forward, you were never the same and I watched as months went by and you treated me like a stranger. I wrote notes like a lovelorn teenager begging for an answer and I never did. After 6 years, I can say with certainty I never will so this is my farewell to you. I’m going to say goodbye; something you never did but I know you’ll never see this so in some way that makes us even.

So to the guy who left without saying goodbye. You have ruined everything from the Bronx Tale to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros for me but not any longer. I am sharing this unrequited love story for some other girl who was hurt by some other you. I am finally getting it out and letting what could have been go because if you really wanted me or what we were building, you would have stayed. Instead, you are with her (I’m assuming since I’m blocked) and I hope you’re happy because I am.

Everyday since then has been happier since the day before. When I do reminisce these days, I see not only the good memories but the way you isolated me and made me invisible. That is when I am reminded I am worthy of someone who thinks I am enough and was well worth the wait. I know that you couldn’t have been the one because my great love can’t be some boy who took a masterclass in the silent treatment.